So while the love we felt for each other was not really felt for others, the pleasure of being with a man was still desired. The difference in the experience made the delight we had in each other even more intent.In the spring of that year, we met two roommates who did become our constant dates. After three or four outings with them, all of us engaging in basic foreplay and then on to the actual deed; over dinner one night, when no one was near our table, David and Bobby with a great deal of hesitation confessed something.It seemed that like us, they loved each other and were engaged in a sexual relationship. They too liked the touch and experience of a woman from time to time, but their commitment was to each other. Dorothy and I started to laugh uncontrollably, which did upset them some until we calmed ourselves enough to explain we were in the same position. Then all of us began laughing in delight together. We would be perfect beards for each other, and in a very enjoyable. I mean to change that as of now if you can let me."Hope sprang into Ruth's consciousness, tinged with a bit of anger and sorrow. Emotions she had not allowed herself to feel over the past long, difficult month. "Are we talking about your affair with Gina Laslowe or something else?" she said with more bite in the tone than she wanted to show.John blanched slightly, dropped his eyes and whispered, "Fuck. When... ? How... ? How long have you known?" Over a month." she said flatly. "For the past 21 years, you'd put on your police uniform and walk out that door and I'd wonder if this was the day you wouldn't come home because some drugged up shit-head killed you. For the past month, I wondered if this was the day you'd walk out that door and not return because you decided to move on with Gina. I don't know which is worse. I actually thought of killing you myself so I guess the second scenario was worse in my mind." Oh, Ruth how do I begin to even say how sorry I am? I have called it off.
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